Post-Christmas Blues

Listening to: Muddy Waters, Hard Again

Surfing around to friends and favorites, I figure most people have been too busy with the holidays to be on the 'net much less taking the time to blog. Putting the various toys together, watching them get torn apart, wrangling up the pieces and determining what goes with what, dragging the mountain of boxes and wrapping paper and plastic containers to the recycling joint... and then dealing the Ground Zero of my kids on Christmas Tweak - IT IS ALL NOW BACK IN ORDER!

What a buzz. Who'd have thought that rehabilitating a post-Christmas disaster would have brought a fist-pumping "YES!!!" from me? Certainly not the 6-years ago me...

Christmas Day was a mellow affair, hosted at my parent's house. They sat back and grinned like idiots while I directed traffic, deftly wielded a small phillips screwdriver, refereed fights, and kept Zeke from opening EVERYONE'S presents while not giving into the urge to collapsing on the floor into a sobbing, babbling mass of insanity. All without the benefit of valium or vodka.

Every piece of every toy was fastened to cardboard with industrial strength twisty wire and I ask "Why?" It's bad enough that I have to assemble something that, really, doesn't need to be assembled, but then to have all the parts almost indellibly lashed to the carton is pure sadism.

Why does the toy for a 3-year old come with an instruction manual the size of small novel? Look, by the time I'm done reading the instruction novel, she'll be old enough to drive, certainly too old to enjoy the toy. When did kid's toys take on the level of complication reserved for surround sound systems? The toy in question is a Barbie learning board and while I was fumbling around trying to figure what goes where, her annoying voice kept coming on, "If you're having trouble figuring it out, get an adult to help you." That robotic voice took on an eerie tone as it spun wildly through the dark over the neighbor's fence...

One consolation: Barbie's horse is named "Nibbles". Hee hee hee... "Nipples?" I'm such a Butthead....