Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Whomping You On the Head With My Manly Man Credentials, Bitch, Now Get Me a Beer and Shut Up

Listening to: Bartók, Concerto for Orchestra

Thank God (that God, the original ass-kicking, sleeves-rolled-up misogynist) Dodge Trucks conducted a survey among Harlequin Romance-reading church-lady types to see what repressed tight-asses seek in a sperm producer. Because, in today's culture, there's just not enough genuflection by the MSM to Mayonaise-on-Wonder-Bread Jack Chick pamphleteering America and by god not enough pick em up trucks sportin' nekkid lady mudflaps toolin' down the road. In fact, God must really be a Murken because the Dodge Truck survey was saved from well-deserved obscurity by the oh-so Christian (and Moonie-owned) Washington Times to reassure all knuckle-dragging men that they'll soon be sleeping with Miss September.

My own sense is that this survey, as commissioned by the folks at Dodge, is nothing less than an attempt to sell more trucks; see the guy in the muddy work clothes? OOOoooo, the Lay D's are all hot for that boy. However, the phony-ass "values" crowd want to use that data to falsely ennoble a caricature of blue collar men as a cynical diversion from the fact that current economic policies are tearing working-class men down. The WT article begins:
A full 61 percent of women surveyed said they would rather see a man's hands rough and working hard than well-manicured, a slap in the face to the extreme-makeover, suave-guy crowd.

Apparently Cary Grant is out and Slim Pickens is in and if we put two identical profiles up on a singles dating site, Slim would have a 3-to-2 advantage over Cary by virtue of being a cowboy as opposed to a doctor. As consolation for the poor, lonely doctor, he's getting a massive tax break at the expense of the carpenter's health care benefits, cost of living, pension, social security, etc.

Having worn a blue collar longer than a white collar, I can assure you that this survey is utter unadulterated crap. Not all blue collar men are sports addicted idiots rarin' to run out to the woods to put some lead in Bambi. One of the toughest bosses I ever had (and one of the most instructive, rewarding work experiences of my life) was also a vegetarian Zen Buddhist who would lead his framing crew in meditation during lunch time. The guy who taught me the most about trim carpentry and cabinet-making spent his evenings acting and singing in various little theatre musicals. Surveys like the Dodge Truck kerflaffle only serve to perpetuate stereotypes; they appeal to people with intellects so limited they can't think beyond simplistic ideogrammatic terms.

In fact, the worst people I met in my blue collar experiences were the stereotypes; staunchly conservative, mean, intolerant, dishonest, petty, selfish, hypocritical, stupid, incompetent, bullying, abusive - the Republican base. I felt sorry for girlfriends or wives of those jerks. Likewise, I'd sympathize with anyone stupid enough to believe the Moonie propoganda in the Washington Times, especially some dude who thinks all he needs to do is roll around in the dirt and drive a truck in order to get his mack on track.

Am I the only one who is beginning to realize that the "mandate of November 2004" was for conservatives to tie plastic bags around their heads and refuse to breathe the same air as liberals? It's seeming that way to me but then, in re-reading this rant it's evident to me that my snark is worse than my psych. Rugged he-man I'm not, so maybe I'm better off psychoanalyzing knuckleheads than slapping them around.


lu said...

"Whomping You On the Head With My Manly Man Credentials, Bitch, Now Get Me a Beer and Shut Up".....

Oh, Jim. *sigh* I just luuuuvv it when you talk to me like that.

And this? This had me snorting iced tea outta my nose,

"Not all blue collar men are sports addicted idiots rarin' to run out to the woods to put some lead in Bambi."

Trust me sweetie, in my neighborhood, nine times out of ten, they most certainly (and sadly) are.

Rescue me?

Heathen said...

I work in a blue collar world, and sadly I would say 70% of the men I work with live up to the stereotype.

However, I did win $50 at the wet tshirt contest at the last truck meet so what do I know.

panthergirl said...

SO hilarious...and so true.

My late ex-husband was a cabinet-maker/carpenter and the only thing he hated about many of the shops he worked in were the narrow-minded conservative, misogynistic assholes next to him.

On the other hand, MANY of the other workers were true artisans...and as such were cultured, liberal, intelligent and thoughtful.

I think that the blue-collar stereotype probably applies less to carpentry, because of the artistic element, than it does to other trades.

mom320 said...

pardon my unforgivable ignorance, jim, but what's a Murken? mom who doesn't get out much-thanks

Hank said...

In the words of a music video I saw recently, "Fuck Yeah!"

Nino the Mindboggler said...


"Murken" - the way Dubya pronounces "American"

GraceD said...

Further to 'Murken' - upon my initial read of your post, Nino, my crooked thoughts wandered over to its homonym, 'merkin', which, in the queer culture means a woman who is a romantic front for a gay man. Doris Day to Rock Hudson, etc. Ever the wonk, I popped in merkin into Google and up surfaced this reference from The Guardian:

"The Oxford Companion To The Body traces the merkin back to 1450, a time when the bidet was a distant prospect and personal hygiene fell well short of the mark. Pubic lice were common - so some women, fed up with the constant itching, just shaved the lot off and then covered their modesty with a merkin."

I simply love those Brits - 'shaved the lot off' indeed.

The Zero Boss said...

This is why I hate being libertarian-leaning. I often end up voting for people who appeal to this base because they reflect more of my political values. But socially, and spiritually? I'm a total effete, flaming, tree-hugging, latte-sipping, girly drink-slamming, nice-nailed faux Buddhist Pagan with a penchant for Sartre and kinky sex.

Sigh. Maybe someday there will be a political party for that.

Oh, and agreed about the WT. The guy who runs that outfit is one scary motherfucker.