Sunday, April 10, 2005

Oh, My Cruel Mistress

Listening to: Julian "Cannonball" Adderly, Somethin' Else

The waiting is killing me. What began as a tease and some minor flirtation has become obsessive anticipation. My mind and heart are occupied by possibility; what will be soon but won't be soon enough. Yearning, aching, I can't reconcile the intensity of this desire with how soon it's been since my thoughts first turned towards this. I look out the frosted window, my finger aimlessly tracing the shape of an eye in the thin layer of ice, thinking, "My God, I can't stop thinking about her!"

As soon as I think she's here, it's painfully evident that she's still far, far away. The distance is unbearable. Some days she feels closer, almost tangible, and on those days she's everywhere I look. Finally, I think, finally, this is all real and settled and my happiness is assured, she's here and my life is complete. Then there are days like today when she's obviously a world away, untouchable, unreachable.

Shaking the dellusion from my eyes, I attempted to accept fate, even though my fantasies are more fulfilling. All I can do is wait and that is insufficient. Patience is not among my tiny contingent of virtues.

Spring, where are you?

6 comments:

Cinnabar1 said...

Here! She's HERE! *grin* I would tell her to come visit you, but I'm greedy. Maybe you should come visit her instead? ;-)

urthgrl said...

:D.....Only four more days.

Betsy said...

now where have I read something similar....?

chip said...

Hey, blizzards are fun, aren't they? Seriously, though, I feel you pain (sort of, kind of hard to totally get into the pain when it's sunny and cloudless here...)

seeingdouble said...

I'll refrain from taunting you with my weather reports. Hope it warms up soon for y'all!

BreadBreaker said...

My first time commenting here. I never would have seen the punch-line coming, though the image of tracing an eye in your winter-frosted window should have given me a clue...