Sunday, October 02, 2005

Semi-domesticity in the shadow of St. Louis, a previous love, and shit-stain spammers

Listening to: The Smiths, Louder Than Bombs

As the magically hip are aware, I'm visiting with my love, swamped with humidity I'm not accustomed to, a pilgrim shot back eastward into the arms of someone greater than the sum of me and certainly better than anything I deserve.

Those who know say that I have "better things to do" and aren't expecting me to post, at least not this weekend ask why, WHY would I be here, here, chatting this thing up? Why not entwined amongst my fair lady's thighs and rutting like a rabid ferret, shredding the mattress into little clouds to pass through the room with precipitation promised, mmmmmm yes, why indeed? Except that she has things to read and write and fill out for this her third year of college, there's no other reason but that I'm bored.

Hearing old poetry and journal entries of hers, CDs that mean something, trying to figure out what she'll write next, I'm in the shadow of something that I that I can't just blow away with a puff from my lips. Sitting here in Illinois, figuring out something to do now while she figures out her future a few weeks down the road, I realize there's a bigger legacy to contend with than I'd considered. A legacy so big, I wonder if I will ever overcome the shadow that seems to darken every inch of continent I try and inhabit.

In the meantime, I'm checking my email to see if anyone has commented on my previous posts and find that I'm finally a victim of comment spamming. There's bigger things to turn in my sphere and I also have to deal with fly shit who have nothing better to do than shill their worthless product on my blog? If I had a gun and a target to plug, these spammers would have gray-matter spread across the mounds of garbage that spawned them.

Lu's neighbors saw me smoking on the porch and invited us over to celebrate another human brought into this mess. Not something Lu was up for but I went ahead and crossed the street to shoot the shit and drink with them, no matter how inconsequential my presence would be, excused Lu with her mass of homework (which, indeed, she had to do). They were good folks, loud, drunk, fun, welcoming of a Colorado alien in their midst and generous with their food and booze.

Still, I wonder if, given the chance to transcend their circumstances, they'd take the opportunity to spam blog accounts, emails, shoot shit into people's private lives for the sake of a few more bucks. In the hour or so I spent with them, I got the sense that every single one of them would have taken the opportunity to spread that shadow a bit further, for a few more shekels, for another trip to Mazatlan.

Listening to The Smiths, I get the sense that shadow is part of the landscape, here. It's up to me to see something else, make something else and if I can, I will. If not here, than somewhere else, I guess. But she's here and this is the place where I need to get it done. Now. Tonight.

If not now, then never.


panthergirl said...

I trust Lu is feeling better?? And pardon me for being quite this myopic, but SMOKING ON THE PORCH??? I thought you quit!!!!

Mamacita said...

I'm always so excited when you update!!!!(gently pulls cigarette from your lips and crushes it under my heel. . . . .) As for humidity, here in the rolling hills of southern Indiana we have our share of that, but not as much as the flatland midwesterners do. Solution: both of you move here. The house one country lot next door to me is for sale, and it's lovely. And it's got a lot of land for all your kids to roam over. And a nice neighbor to take them off your hands whenever you needed a 'break.' (cough cough)

It's also close to a fantastic community college with an opening for a therapist.

trusty getto said...

I daresay my current self-absorbtion must've caused to miss the fact that you were travelin'. And of course, doing so in a torrid fashion.

You two are just the cutest, if I may say so, Jim!

trusty getto said...

I daresay my current self-absorbtion must've caused to miss the fact that you were travelin'. And of course, doing so in a torrid fashion.

You two are just the cutest, if I may say so, Jim!

UsedtobeKeb said...

Send Lu my best wishes as it is finals week for me and I spent all last weekend writing a shitty ass paper and wishing I was doing anything but that. Glad you had fun w/the neighbors. Best wishes to you and Lu (is she feeling better?)

vicki said...

Mamacita is inviting you to be her neighbors! What a lovely compliment! It is both hard and easy imagining you settling down. I suspect you would be one of those guys who would ultimately benefit so much you would add years to your life. For starters you would probably find a way to quit smoking. And that Lu is such a happy, spunky, beautiful good sense kind of woman.
Whatever- I think of you both so often and wish you the best possible outcome. And I would say come to Ann Arbor except I'm trying to figure out how to leave for a truly open-minded (not just mouth service liberals) community near the ocean and mountains.
I need to catch up with you and Lu at length soon but right now I'm wallowing in the bliss of mother-daughter love with Abby here in Florida. Talk soon, when I'm not on battery at Panera's. :-)