You have until November 1 to sign up for the extended SUPER-DUPER Holiday Mixmania! - enough time to plan your stocking full of coal.
Listen: I'm making the *hsssshhhhhhh* sound bloggers make when they've been tagged for a meme, a breath of ether between "sheesh, what a hassle" and "Ain't I special?!?!"
Trusty shot this one my way and I'll shoot it out like a spit shot:
- Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
I never try to look "hot" - I prefer to look COOL. However, the chances of anyone recognizing me from my blog are about as remote as me becoming the next FEMA Director. Oh wait a minute, my taking over FEMA isn't that far-fetched after all and as the father of three young children, I'm probably more qualified at handling disasters than that bozo whining before congress.
- Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
Not at all. My psychedelic aura was developed after years of Lysergic excess. When I die, I intend to be cremated... slowly, wrapped in huge sheets of rolling papers and passed around to be puffed on by all attendees of my wake.
- Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
Being a creep and a dork, I find such emails redundant, really.
- Do you lie in your blog?
Often. It's like a bed of clover, only with a more pungent aroma than the usual sheep shit scent.
- Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
Often. It's like a bed of clover...doo-dah.
Hey, is this like that Chinese fortune-cookie game where you add "In bed" after the fortune? So the question is, "Are you passive-aggressive in your blog - in bed?" No? Well, that's how I'm playong it...
- Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
Yeah and it's as effective as my threats to quit smoking.
- Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
Maybe I should be in therapy - ask my clients.
- Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
I've only deleted stupid comments. I've never faked a nice one but I'm told my partners fake nice ones all the time :((
- Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? How about after?
Why rub out the comment when you can rub out the commenter?
- If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
I'm pretty sure they'd like me, more or less. Mostly less.
- Do you have a job?
If you mean, "Do I have to go somewhere everyday, do something that I get paid for and then give some of that money to the government," then no, I don't have a job. On the other hand, if you mean, "Do I have to go somewhere everyday, do something that I get paid for but don't give jack shit to the government," yeah, I have one of THOSE.
- If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
"Without restrictions?" Meaning I could do it while sitting nude in a store front window? HELL YEAH!!!
- Which blogger do you want to meet in real life?
All kidding aside (and assuming I met Trusty due to his passing this meme on to me), Mamacita, Grace, Vicki, and Sterfish.
- Which bloggers have you made out with?
This Saucy Wench is all I'm admitting to...
- Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
On my blog, less. In a bar, much, much more.
- Does your family read your blog?
I told my family that I call my blog "The Zero Boss" and they read that. When they ask about the details not exactly being congruent, I scream "It's just a goddamn blog!", storm out of the room and slam the door.
- How old is your blog?
Old enough to be moldy and stale, eh?
- Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
I'd care if I was getting 1000 page views because then I'd expect the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to be immediately thundering through my living room.
- Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?
Maybe if I wasn't so busy sleeping all day - with multitudes of anonymous partners - I'd have time to write that "secret blog".
- Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
If you think anyone is paying for this crap, email me. We have a proposition to discuss.
- Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
Just the money I get from writing erotic blog posts.
- Is blogging narcissistic?
Only if you do it well.
- Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?
No, because I do it so well (per above comment).
- Do you like John Mayer?
Not as much as I like John Mayall. Not even close.
- Do you have enemies?
Plenty but none that I'll dignify with mention here.
- Are you lonely?
Yes, but only in a strict existentialist sense.
- Why bother?
If I pass this on, it's to those I'd like to meet.
OK, I feel guilty for not posting is so long....