Tuesday, September 27, 2005

But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep...

Listening to: Renata Tebaldi, Vol. 1

If you have yet not read my love's wonderful paean to Lilly, please go there and then return for my ceaseless babble. Go on, scoot, I'll be here... *sheesh!*

In the midst of the madness that is the autumnal equinox, My Bright, Shining Light missed out in a big way on which should have been her big day - her seventh birthday. Delivering children to school, facilitating a DUI therapy group, dropping my brood off at childcare while I worked and then picking them up to go home just in time to read them a story and put them to bed - there was no time to celebrate her, how much I love her, how much she means to me.

We had to wait until the weekend to break out the cake and the balloons and the midgets for pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and busting up the piñata and squirting silly string over the patio furniture. Even then, I could only stay a little while before I had to run off to stand in front of a dozen drunk drivers and tsk-tsk their sorry asses.

Daddy bought her a last minute gift from the Discovery store a Mellow Moodscapes Projector, which she apparently loves - she told me "It's my favorite-est gift!" I don't doubt her sincerity - she has, after all, gone to bed with it every night - and I know she relishes the thought of camping out on a rainforest floor, looking up through the canopy and listening to animals chattering away in the trees. Still, it seems so little to give her considering all that she has given me, all that she gives to her little brother and sister, all that she gives to everyone she touches.

Hours after she was born, I went and bought a journal to begin recording my thoughts for her, chronicling the world as it was that day and where we stood in relation to everything around us. I still make entries (I'm up to Vol. 3) but most of my writing for the kids ends up here (the other two also have journals... another story, that). One of these days I need to make copies (paper and disk) of my writing here to include in their journals. I want them to know my voice as a younger man, not the scold they will know when they are 18 when I hand them those journals, and my writing on this blog is as vital and immediate as anything I've put down in the diaries I keep for them.

To Lilly, my Bright, Shining Light, there is nothing I could write that could express the full breadth of how much I love you.
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Today, Noble would have been 8-years old. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read this.
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Trusty, answering your meme in my next post, I promise (and you'll know why I evoked Frost for this post).

9 comments:

Anne said...

Ahhh I'm such a mush-pot of a mother. This whole post made me cry-happy tears for you having such a dear sweet little girl, sad tears for the loss of your son, more big *sighing* tears just over LIlly's picture!

Man, I need to get a grip, eh?

Happy Belated Birthday Lilly :o)

Mamacita said...

You sweet, beautiful man. . . .

Pieces of Me said...

Hey just found your site..Looking around! TTYL

Kate said...

I also cried when I read the posts about your son. I'm so sorry.

trusty getto said...

What a great post, and a great name! Happy b-day!

I already read about Noble some time ago and cried back then, so I'll leave it at that.

And the meme, dude, man, donja worry 'bout it. You got wayyyy more important things to do!

landismom said...

Happy birthday Lilly! Sounds like a wonderful birthday, and glad you were able to be the one to give her the 'favoritest' gift.

Melina said...

very touching posts...for all birthdays...i, too, have a birthday of sorts that i acknowledge every year to myself.

thank you for sharing, and happy birthday to everyone celebrating this week! yours and mine...

Mamacita said...

. . . and I also love your Robert Frost title. . . .

vicki said...

What a loving post. As you know- when you do you're daddy thing, I just swoon. I can easily imagine this being the best gift ever! Things that glow and move in the dark are powerful indeed, especially to little ones. Nice going, Jim. And a birthday kiss to Lilly.