Monday, May 01, 2006

Angels & angles

Listening to: The Beatles, Magical Mystery Tour

I was prone on the couch, reading Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, when Zeke approached:
Zeke: What's your book about, daddy?
Me: Magicians and faeries
Zeke: Is God a faerie?
Me: I think so but I heard he went off to a retreat and got reprogrammed.

So that's what you get, one crappy joke and a good night. I'm showing solidarity with immigrant protesters, sitting this out today and not posting. Which doesn't excuse the pitiful posting the past couple of weeks but at least today, I have a decent reason for sitting on my hands.

In defense of my indolence (or redolence; the two seem to be co-occuring what with the neglect of personal hygiene and all), I have been attempting to whip up a 2,000 word anecdote for the latest installment Joshilyn Jackson's Blogging For Books (nee The Zero Boss's baby). Not that I stand a chance in hell - Joshilyn despises me and my penchant for online smut (sorry, Ms. Jackson) - but this month's theme of "cheating" is too irresistable in its potential to offend (or at least my potential to offend). Said theme can be about any kind of cheating and my story has it all, just so I can win and shake my furry fists into the air like I was an extra from 2001: A Space Odyssey.

So far, I've written:
Yeah, she was a hooker but at the moment, nothing seemed to matter. Her huge, melon-like breasts heaved with passion as she looked longingly upon my gigantic, terrifyingly large, awe inspiring obelisk. She was waiting to be impaled and not without fear. Not only by my canoe-sized manhood but because in the next room my wife was busy pounding out pages on Madame Bovary for my Grad School thesis.

Yet here we were, on this dark and stormy night in my steamy room, celebrating how we'd short-changed my coke dealer by almost two-hundred bucks and were getting ready to rumble on a mattress that was missing its tag. Laying out several more lines on the flat top of my massive missle of love, I allowed her to indulge a last blast of pleasure. She wasn't about to get an orgasm and she sure as shit wasn't going to get paid.

With writing like that, there's no way I can lose. Especially since God's a Faerie.

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