Monday, July 30, 2007

Didn't go, didn't get the goddamn shirt

Goddamnit, I was supposed to be at BlogHer but circumstance confounded me (Grace losing her dad, for one) and I wasn't able to finally meet the true owner of my heart (though, I understand she hooked up HUGE). It's not like they needed me there, running around in my speed-o and spilling rum and cokes over everyone but still, it would have been fun to piss on the baby leopard at the chicago zoo and pound on Amy Sullivan's door at 4 AM screaming about her aborting our baby, especially after all the acid we'd done together. The bitch was insatiablee on acid, would go all night, wake the goddamn neighbors. C'mon Amy, PLEEEEEEZE.

Oops - Amy Sedaris. Shit. That's uncool. Too many rum and cokes - sorry. After security would escort me outside (and what an idiotic mistake - Sedaris being so much finer than Sullivan), I'd have stumbled back to the zoo to piss on the baby leopard - again, mama leopard be damned.

Cuz I roll like that, yo. Mamacat awed by my huge schwang waving around, pissing on her babies, wide-eyed and afraid, wondering if I'd hit her over the head with that monster and dead to the ankles afraid I'd poke her. Hard. Pissing on kittens and unafraid of getting clawed and bit. Especially by Amy Sullivan, not Amy Sedaris.

Another reason they kept me away from coming to BlogHer


vicki said...

You were definitely missed, my sweet. That didn't stop us from analyzing you ad nauseum (oh,tee,hee). But, I have your shirt so I'll send that on.
(address again, puleez). And to think, I had such a connection with the registration lady that I ended up with four extra drink tickets you could have used...
You can come next year. Second lifers be damned (what IS that craziness?)- the mature woman track is going to take over BlogHer. And you know how they can be.


Anne said...

I didn't go either :o(

Mamacita (Mamacita) said...

That woman at registration looked as though she could be bribed.

Used*to*be*me said...

I think I want to go but then I'd lose my anonymity