Usually, 'anonymous' means 'dumbass'

About a year ago I decided to go with moderated comments, mostly to eliminate spam ("Great blog you have here! You might want to check out this link on refinancing your home!") but also to put the kibosh on a stalker who, apparently lacking a satisfying life and in dire need of a hobby, felt inclined to post incredibly incoherent messages meant to entertain none but the voices in her head. Suffice it to say, the moderated comments worked. The spam stopped immediately and the stalker found something else to do (probably learned how to fold that aluminum foil cap into a stately swan). Since then, most of my moderating has involved deleting redundant comments from the same poster; I've deleted only one comment and that was so astonishingly stupid I imagined the poster sitting on a porch somewhere in the far reaches of Appalachia, typing drool when not strummin' on the ol' banjo.

Thus, when I checked my email tonight to find this comment for my last post, my first thought was to send it off into oblivion and give it the fate it deserved. However, the more I read (and considered), the more I realized that a vicious beating was in order. The comment in question:

If its not your country ...than move. Sad story, tis true but dont blame the whole fucking country. I didnt do it.

By Anonymous, at 5:26 PM

First of all A, let's deal with matters of simple grammar, sweep that issue aside before we graduate to more serious skull thumping. A, it's "If... then" not "than". If you'd said, "You should leave rather than stay," then your statement might have made sense (doubtful, as you will see). However A, your inability to master simple punctuation tells me the then/than distinction is beyond your comprehension.

My guess is that the reading comprehension portion of your SATs came up with a big zero, A, since the concept of "This is not my country," amounted to nothing more than a loud whooshing sound as it whizzed several feet over your head. "This is not my country," was not a declaration qualified with "Because my country is Buzov" or "France" but this is not my country because what happened in Delaware betrays the promise that our country holds. The pointy headed religious bigots who drove a Jewish family to exile through threats and intimidation (going as far as publishing the family's address and phone number on the Stop the ACLU web site so every pointy headed religious bigot in the country could harass them) are the dark, ugly underbelly of our country, shameful examples of the worst of America. Having said that, it should be obvious that I didn't "blame the whole fucking country" but only a few knuckle-dragging buffoons. The rest of my readers got that so it's not as though I was being obtuse or vague. No, the misunderstanding is all you, A, not just being an idiot but being the kind of idiot that other idiots can only aspire to by huffing gallons of gasoline, headbutting the grill of a Ford F-350, and drinking Clorox.

As to your argument A, the whole "If its (sic) not your country ...than (sic) move," is so 1968, not only stale and uninteresting (though I consider the source) but also utter nonsense. It's the same as me saying, "Sweet mother of God, this house stinks," with you responding, "Well, why don't you move?" Except you wouldn't use punctuation or bother with grammar. The point is, a useful response would be, "Then (not "than") take out the trash, do your dishes, open the windows, spray some Febreze around, and get rid of that damn dog!" Unfortunately, I suspect you're not big on complexity A and that you'll be moving soon enough once the kitty that crawled into the dryer starts to get ripe.

A final word for you A, advice from someone who has been blogging for about 4 years and has been on the internet for almost 20 years: 'anonymous' commenting not only identifies you as a troll - a cowardly troll - but gives you exactly zero credibility. No one takes you seriously, no one respects what you have to say, and you've only accomplished making yourself look like an incompetent boob.

Sure, I've just wasted an entire post kicking a mangy cur but anonymous comments, especially anonymous comments from a barely literate meathead, wastes my precious time. Sometimes it's appropriate to slap the ninny silly, knock him conscious, and hope that serves as fair warning for the other anonymous numbnuts aching to post half wit comments. Scant hope, I know, but sometimes hope is all we have.